Hari Guru [2]

Since i posted a blog about the proress, and now it will be the feeling towards the whole progress.

The day we got the list, it was like "What's that?" I dont even want and can accept the list. It was just because i am the one who scored B- for my art. And i scared i cant accomplish the task given. I really dont hope to burden my ketua since she was my DEAR, DARLING, BELOVED chye huey.

And for the following days, i cant say much about that. We stopped all the progress since it was the exam period. And for the seniors, just felt sorry because they waited us till their neck long long.

For the day before Hari Guru, it was the worst day. For your information, that day was Chye Huey birthday and i got nothing for her. That day was not follow the planning as we planned to finish the banner by 7.00pm. We just cant complete what we promised and that day showed how united we are. Just a few people stayed back and we need all the seniors to help us. They somemore came back at the night, but not we the juniors to help out the whole progress. It was like the Hari Guru not belong to us, but is snr problem.

I was just felt like i am useless. I not only cant do what i promised, but i didnt even can help my friends. It was her birthday and she cried several time the whole day. It was like a sucks birthday. LOL. And i didnt even can help Kai Yan. She emo-ed all the time and i didnt even console her once. The feeling cant help was suffering enough.

And the day. It was like all the last minute works. Step up to the stair, i dont even scare already. It was because i felt like i was damn useless. Talk only we know, but no action anyway. United sound great, but we didnt even have the teamwork. Compulsory was only the command, but did everyone followed?

The meeting. It was like an opportunity for us get scold from senior. But for my bahagian, we dont even get a formal scold from ketua bahagian. When the time we approach snr, he said that no point to scold us and he still want to jaga our feeling. This action made me more 内疚. I prefer to get scold than get only advice and somemore 安慰 from them. I prefer they use their angry face than a pity heart to us. I want to get my punishment. Why cant they let me feel better in this case?

Who did wrong? Anyone wrong in this case? I dont know... What i knew was that i need to be responsible to what i did and what i cant accomplish.Lot of people that we have to appreciate for this event. But did we give them a thank you? I dont think so.

The thank you still need to be distribute out. So i want to have the opportunity here to thank and say sorry to all the pihak that help out that day. A special THANK YOU and SORRY for all the seniors : Snr Kai Jian, Snr Kim You, Snr Seng Hoo, Snr Luei Hann, Snr Yun Kang, Snr Shin Loong, Snr Bong, Snr Veronica, Snr Jia Rong and Snr Soon Heng. Last but not least, thank you to all the friends that came back to help out the banner: joshua, hao ming, tze chien, jun yao, kai yan, zhia yun, minli, dashenti, hai shan, caryn, meganna, priya...

Thanks a lot ...

I feel useless. I feel dissapoint to myself.

Hari Guru 2oo9 [1]

This blog will be the whole progress of Hari Guru...

Well. We are the one who incharge. Got the ajk list since sport days. And yet we did nothing and did all last minute work.

I am from bahagian tapak dan banner. And it should be going very smoothly since our bahagian ketua was such a kind ketua until we did not kena bend and we dont even need to redo anything. My ketua was chye huey and with a timbalan christopher.

These are what we did...

Sport days

Got the ajk list and should start our job.

22/5

Got all the approval and permission to start our work.

23/5

Just got the material and started our work with the drawing.

25/5, 26/5

Stayed till 5.00pm to continue our drawing.

27/5

The day before Hari Guru. The original planning was until 7.00pm and we think we can get everything done. But the truth was not we were not that eficient. We doing work all the time, but we still cant finish. Is that because of not enough people doing work or we have to improve our speed to do work? I stayed till 12.00am in the school since the guard dont want to let all the girls to stay. And only left seniors and Joshua to do the work. And lastly 3 from them stayed in the school the whole day. Although i went back home that night, but i didnt even can get my sleep and rest. I was just worrying about the things the whole night. And it was suffering enough.

28/5

It was the day. Got to school by 5.30am and the time i reached. there was only 3 people sleeping and with only snr ShinLoong and Chye Huey. What bear in my mind was "What was the compulsory stand for since everyone didnt even follow?" Started the work and realised quite a lot of problems occured. I was the one climbed up the stair and stick all the things to the board. I am just became a hero. Keke.

And the majilis went through. Was it smoothly? I dont know..

The whole progress was like that and FINALLY the event end.

Saturday...

Days gone like aeroplane.

Time move too fast already, i cant chase it already. [Like i old liao d?]

Well, today was a special day. [Actually if want to say, everyday also very special d.^^]

If i can continue life like this, how wonderful my life will be?

Well, today we started working already. Start to work for Hari Guru.

I was the first one to reach school. Then Junyao came. And we did nothing that time. Wasting our time to watch scout marching.

After Chyehuey came, start to have all the measurement. And the stupid me, forgot to bring the measuring ruler. So, we can only get a string to measure.

And at last we got the measurement. By the way, we were using the pentas in front of bp to have our work.

After everyone was there, we went out to buy the needed materials. And Haishan got dont know how many lucky draw voucher as she spent almost 300 bucks there.

And for us, we got 2 lucky draw voucher also as we did spend 60bucks there.

After having our so-called-lunch, we went back to the school. And do you know that that was the first time for Chyehuey went for mamak stall. Argh...

We didn't start our work straight after we back to school. We watched the scout agm. Kenke got the GL. Congrate LOL. She seems like very suprise that time till her face was as red as tomato.

And our class scout members all have their high high pose also. Congrate too.

And after the pelantikan, they having a photo taking section. And the Junyao suddenly got an idea for his video. We went to ask the whole gang of scout to shout. And it was like amazing. The whole gang of scout was that united LOL. By the way, we still need to thank the new GL of scout because without her, i dont think Junyao can get what he want.

FINALLY.

We started our work. Chyehuey was the one painting the whole earth. Keke. Sorry dear, coz i didnt help much today.

After the whole thing finished, we were like dont hope to go home. So without wasting time[kononnya], we stayed there to discuss about the drama. And the progress went through very very very extra smoothly. And the Kaiyan got the 'kejutan' idea too. Argh.. I really dont want them to faint that time leh.

Back to my warm home then.

Today was a super nice day for me!^^

One day gone again...

Exam

Keke.

Finally the exam week over. And wheee, i got a very 'good' result.

I wont cry and i wont feel sad. I knew this is the chance for me to change! ^^

For the next exam [i knew it's still very far.], i'm sure and i promise i will get a better result.

Hari Guru

Finally.

We got all the approval today. And we can start working for our banner already.

I still remember that day someone asked me. Why we choose to tangguhkan all the things till now and it is so late already? And i got no answer for her.

Just want to say, actually many things are not under our control. Sometimes, although you willing to do, but there will be also obstacles that block your way. It's not that you can do if you want.

And i admit that i am lazy enough. Keke. Actually i'm quite useless to help my ketua. Sorry, dear.

Camp

Went for camp kepimpinan briefing today. It was kinda zzz.

What they told me is that because i was late, so i need pick up the responsibility as a leader.

My reaction that time was like 'What a 'good' reason?" "Like that also can?" They just simply make a decision lol.

But i was quite satisfy with my group members. Haha. 2 scouts in my group, i dont need to scare tdk blh hidupkan api already.

And a special event here. I same group with the Jeffrey again. Last year prefect camp i was in the same group with him also. Haiz. But at the same time i can bully him again. Wakaka.

DC Class

Went to DC class today. The first time for me to DC people. I still remember that our class kena dc last year. It was ----. And now i do that to others. Keke.

The ketua for today was not that efficient as what he can do. Maybe he was blur with the situation as he was also having the first time.

It was not that fun as i thought it will be, but it was not that difficult as i predict before. It sound difficult to control 5y, but actually by using the correct method, they may under the control or should say they will listen to you if you are not wrong.

Quite shock with my prestasi today. Normally, i wont tegur form5 student as they are our senior also. I will just 'nasihat' them. But today during the dc, i was shouting to them. It was not tegur, but it's kinda shock for me to shout.

By the way, i am not that satisfy with my prestasi. Actually i can do it better, but i did mistake just now also. Haiz. But nevermind, because i will do it better next time.

Other

Talked to Kaiyan today.

Realised that actually Kaiyan having another perspective compared to me. She is having different point of view that i dont even can have. Her words was quite useful to me. Thank you!

The JunYao.

That day made me angry because of his words. Keke^^

Dont know why nowadays i have quite a lot of argue with him. Hehe. But luckily those fire wont last longer, if not i think all of us will menopause again and again everyday.

-HOPE-

-SMILE-

untitled 2.

-Exam week-

And all my paper not good. Not good meant very very bad. I leave many spaces blank for my bio, chemistry paper. For the experiment is more die. I wrote till half only then i dont know how to continue d. So? Blank again. Other paper? If paper 1 dont know the answer, then tembak only.

I didnt even dare to leave blank for my exam last time. But for this mid year, dont know why i dare to do that. Keke.

I prepared to accept my 'good' result already... Zzz.

-Hari Guru-

Didnt do anything since dont know how many weeks ago. We had no good reason for this and i'm sure we will kena kao kao after this. Keke. Dont know why we become more brave and brave already. We dont want let the day fail, but yet we did nothing. Miracle could happen? Impossible. But i think we did prepare for the scolding section already. I somemore want to prepare speech or so-called-reason for senior already.

The day will fail? It's still a mistery, an unknown.

-Holidays-

Holidays is coming. And i am waiting for it.

I have if not wrong about 4 camps during the holidays. Kinda siao i know. But i know also this is the last chance for me to go for camps. So i must use up all the opportunity. Keke. By the way, thank daddy and mummy for letting me do this.

-Others-

I'm awaiting for Kai Yan story telling.

I'm changing. Attitude and also my mind.

I want a break! For my piggy bank good. [Used up my save for the camps^^]

I WANT YOU listen to me. [Dont think too much la wei]

Untitled.

Now is 2.00am. I'm still hvent sleep and still blog here. Not that i cant, but i refuse. [Maybe i want to be a panda?]

***

WELL. Just started to revise my biology. Realise that it is not that easy. Have quite a lot of fact and thingy which i need to memorize. Zzz. My brain was kinda full as inside already fulfill with other subject thingy like Maths, Add Maths, BM, BI and many many more. And i still need to put in SJ, Bio, Chemistry, Fz and even PJ. Zzz.

Hopefully i can pass all my paper.[really it is enough for me] LOL.

***

Just now went 'shopping' at Carrefour. Actually i just want to have my dinner and just accompany my mummy.

Again i realise that i hate to be left out. I dislike the feeling of being isolated, be alone. Or i should say i scare of it? Keke^^

***

Kai Yan called me for the teachers day thingy. She want me to give her some opinion. Haha, the FIRST TIME she call me for opinion. She is the one always give me her opinion and she never call me up for my so-called-useless opinion.

Hopefully she can accept what i said and hope that she can handle all the thing. LOL.

And also i hope to be more important in her mind because she is important to me.

***

Found out that boys or men are always the one who like to keep all their secretS. Feel like they are having much more secrets than a girl. Felt like want to do a experiment on them. [can you imagine those guys are those white mice and i'm the scientist? Keke] I want to know what are these people thinking.

Because of my curiousity, i asked my daddy about what he will do when he feel unsecured. And he answered me just sleep la. What a 'good' answer nia. I really dont understand. Why boys are always like to keep their feelings, keep their problems with them and not to share with other? And they like to help girls to solve problems. Why for it? [Confused]

Too many question and WHY in my mind now. [will blog it after the exam again]

***

Love a new thing now. Love to fold star. You know, fold the paper to a star.

Start this again because of my sister. Her friend birthday and she want me to help her to fold.

I forgot who was the one to teach me. Just want to thank the person.

I already finished folding 5 pack [each pack around 50 stars]. Kekex. Dont ask me why am i so free.

I hope i can finish more, so that i can make it as present. To those birthday, to those who need to be wish, to those i love. The stars contain lot of wishes inside. Hopefully they will like it.

***

I blog about my feeling toward a person this afternoon.

Post it actually just want to tell the person what i feel and what i think about the person. Hope that the person will read it and realise something.

***

Feel sleepy already.

Nitez and sweet dream people.

2day. 11/5

Had my 1st paper today.

Bi 1 n Bm 2.

Was kinda DIE.

It's just like what i predict before. HehE^^

Not that i dont care, but i tried not to be too care. ^^

Tomorrow sj 2 and chemistry 1.

Dont know how will it be.

***

FINALLY.

I transfer all the photo from my phone to my pc.

Wanna to do it a long time ago, but was kinda lazy.==

And now i did it!

Keke.

***

They did something to me that day.

But i realise it today.

I did appreciate what they did to me.

Thank You, girls.

And also sorry for the things i did wrongly before.

***

Read many blogs today, including my old old post.

Feel like we are too emo and we terlalu pandang berat to somethings.

It's really the matter of thinking. Sometimes, we are too negative already.

Actually life should be happy. We should enjoy our life.

Keke.

Hopefully i would continue with this thinking always in my future life.

G00D LUCK T0 ALL!

CHEER!

Lazy...

The planning still going on...

But too lazy to accomplish it...

***

Still remember that day i being raped by someone.

Told that people how i felt. What i think.

Keke. Kinda siao that day until kena bebel by my daddy coz went home too late.

***

Fri, i stayed till afternoon school end.

Doing what?

Meeting till 3.30pm.

Lunch ( Breakfast also ) at 4.00pm.

N doing nothing till 5.00pm.

Two more hours? Slept all the time in FAR.

Kinda tired that day.

Dont know why, just felt like wanna sleep the whole day. ^^

Learnt a new things that day.

Realised how 'perasan' is the junior.

Realised how they care me.

In a good mood the whole day as i got enough rest.

Keke.

***

Sat, the whole day for revision.

But yet, i think i wasting my time only.

Keke. I didnt fully concentrate in the things.

Learnt new thing again.

A different point of view that taught by my daddy.

I think it's what snr want.

Same thing, but from two different people.

It's the time to follow them.

***

In a good mood now.

Although quite nervous for the midyear.

I knew sth good might happen.

Hopefully good luck fall on me.

***

Cheer ya, People!

Exam

Exam fever now...

No one is free since everyone need to prepare the exam...

I'm not that free also as i havent finish revise all the subject...

How am i going to have my exam?

Not going to online next week alr!

T.T

Cry

I cried. Cried not because of those scary words, not because of the one telling , not because of the them(those main character), but i do need a moment to relax, a moment of break.

No one saw me crying, even though i was in a open place. But someone did know it. Should i be glad coz no one saw my ugly crying face?

I felt scare. I felt alone. And i hate these feelings. Why am i always alone? Why cant anyone comfort me every moment when i need? Why cant you guys lend me yours shoulder as what i did to you all?

What he said. I did agree with it, but i dont realise it before. Why am i always the last to know the truth? Why cant you guys tell me everytime i made a mistake? I prefer you all tell me what i did wrong than you guys talk bad behind of me. I prefer you scold me than you dont border me.

***

In the group, i'm always the one being isolated. I'm always the one alone. You guys having your own world that i cant even step in. Not that i dont want to join you guys, but you guys dont let me in. Not that i want to make myself far apart with you all, but yours action made me afraid.

I dont want to be hurt again. I want to protect myself. Confronting you guys made me tired enough. I tolerate with you, but you didnt appreciate. So, i wont and i dont want to be the stupid one again.

***

Thank you for made me happy everytime. Thank you for what you guys did to me. I knew that you are worrying about me. Sorry for burden you all the time. Hopefully i can be more independent next time.

***

I will change my attitude as i promised.

[Another random post to me.]