151011 - Pain

It's really pain.

Honestly I dare not to breathe that hard now, I worry.

I worry that it's not a dream.

How much that I hope it's only a dream where when I wake up one day, it's not the same like now.

It's pain, really pain.

What do you feel when you know some people do not welcome you?

I feel pain.

And how will you feel when you know people dislike you?

I feel pain.

Then how would you feel when you realise you are becoming immature?

I feel pain.

Lastly, what do you feel when you know most of the people dislike and do not welcome you but they act good to you?

Pain for me.

I knew all this in one shot. And I just knew how serious it is.

I am in deep pain till the tears dropped so uncontrollably.

I just cannot believe that I am that worst and I could not be worse than now.

I knew some people dislike me but I never know the amount is that much.

I knew some people hate me but I never expect you are one of them.

I knew they could not accept me, but I never know it's that serious.

I knew that the way I did my job could not be accept by many, but I never know where is the problem.

Why? Why do I know all this only in this two days time?

Seriously I am in very deep pain and I wish I could escape from this!

Why you guys don't tell me earlier? Why you guys don't let me have the chance to change?

If I could know this earlier, perhaps I will change. And many problems won't happen.

I am way to collapse.

I just could not stand that pain anymore. I am not that strong.

Can I quit? Can I leave?

I know it can't heal and cure the problem and pain, but at least it will be better than now.

I am a failure, the greatest joke ever!

I am not the me again. I am changing to be worse.

How much I wish I will be the past me now.

I won't ask for help this time, please left me alone for sometimes.

I will get myself to be better I promised.

I WILL BE THE ME AGAIN!

To those who are concern, please do not worry about me or else I will feel more worse. I won't do sth that will hurt myself, but I will need sometimes to heal the wound. I will back to normal soon, don't worry =)

081011 - Off

Just a short updates before me going to bury myself into all the notes.

Cant stand with myself for kept procrastinating *slap*

Anyway, I am currently in a good condition so no worries people =)

Just that due to the exam is around the corner, I am having a bit of high pressure.

So me not going to update that frequent next week and hopefully everything go smoothly =)

I hope to get a better result this time as it will be showed to my parents.

I wanna show them I can do it!

4.0 I am coming!

Oh yea, I saw Jeen Vern drove her mother's van yesterday and I felt that she is growing so rapidly =P

I think I am the only one still stepping at the same place =(

I am going to be more mature!

Good luck and gambate everyone!

051011 - Quotes

• The harder the life, the stronger you'll become. The stronger you become, the easier the life will be.

• I can always forgive the people who hurt me, but sometimes, I just can never forget what they did.

• Be happy in front of people who don't like you, it kills them.

• You never know how strong you are, until being strong is the only choice you have.

• Think before you act. Sometimes an apology isn't always be able to heal a heart that has already hurt.

• When we forgive and smile to those who have hurt us, we ensure ourselves that we're better than them.

• Let haters hate, and lovers love.

• The best revenge is no revenge at all. Instead move on and be happy. In the end you win!

• Self reflection isn't easy. Embrace your haters; save your energy by listening to their critics. Improve yourself and FLY!

• Take problems as God's ways to improve you. Remember: "It takes a ton of pressure to make a diamond!

• Treat me well, I will treat you better. Treat me bad, I won't stop to your level.

• People will talk about us when they envy us & the lives we live. Let them talk, we affected their life, they don't affect ours.

• The one who seems the strongest is sometimes the one who is in most need of a hug.

• It’s not about who hurt you and broke you down. It’s about who was always there and made you smile again.

041011 - Spot check

So many things messed up past few days =(

Yesterday, I just felt how struggle was I in between the 2 parties.

Last time, I used to face it with the others and we were strong, but now?

I am the only one in my class yet the others do not seems nice to me.

Just a simple spot check, but it ruined a lot.

Voices came after that, it's normal; but when I am the only one to stand for that, it's a bit too much!

Just a bit of disappointing with you.

Don't think that I don't know, just that I never want you to be humiliated in front of the others. I am not showing how kind am I but I respect you as someone, so do the same to me.

I can understand why teacher doing this, cause you are her student, when things like this happen, she can't refuse, she is just way too kind.

But can you? I beg you, just don't ask teacher do the same thing again? Did you know that Herman noticed about it? I bet you don't know.

You might make her into trouble and involve in a non-stop shooting game, just because of this stupid act.

I don't want to start the war, but stop blaming my people and voice like you did nth wrong but eventually you did.

Dare to do, please be dare to admit!

Another you. I am going to be mad with you soon!

If I accidentally stepped on your tail, just voice out to me! Stop back stab me and if I go crazy, I can't promise that I won't hurt you!

I can take everything to myself, but stop doing some thing stupid!

If you want to be like adult, respect the others first.

They respect you as 6 formers, can you please respect them as they just doing part of their duties?

We work under instructions, if you feel uncomfortable, go ask those who give instructions!

Before you fight, please make sure you are with the right target!

If you feel annoy after this, come to me and I will provide you the answer that you need.

I just don't wish that I am in the war =(

011011 - 随笔

这次突然想改用华语写写部落格 =)

我没有忘记自己的母语，只是以华文书写部落格对我有一定的难度。

不是华文造诣不好，而是自身的要求，简单的事情总变得复杂。

***

又有事情发生了，距离上次好像没有很久。

同样的，还是很愤怒，恨不得把他像对待蟑螂般，踩得扁扁的。

果然，我没有很大的进步……

这次事件发生得理所当然，因为到最后我也觉得自己太蠢了。

本是以帮助人的心态，事情演变到最后，却是如此。

我不应该，至少不应该相信你。在你的立场上，我还真的只是无名小卒，不是吗？而另一名，算了，我不想大声地说我不能与他比较。

好心没好报？我不想将事情看得如此悲观……

老师说，助人为快乐之本。

妈妈说，有能力者就该助人。

所以，如果事情重来，或许我还是会如此愚蠢。

算啦，至少某人没事了！看见某人的笑脸，其实真的很满足=)

我答应自己得原谅他，果然成功了！

其实争扎了很久，内心真的很痛苦，几次还真想撞豆腐……

很多人都劝我放下，让事情过去。说，很是容易；做？

佛的说法，他是来讨债的，所以怎样还是得接受……

无论如何，感恩所有曾经帮助及陪伴我的人！<3

***

很感谢你！

因为你，真的磨练了我的心志。

因为你，让我懂得就算小人当道，君子还是不会倒下的。

因为你，我真的学懂了很多！

***

有人问我，为何经历了如此多事，我们还是一直受伤？ 我们不是应该变得更精明吗？

我想，应该是我过于执着吧？

执着得相信所有人不会一而再伤害我，执着得相信人本是善。

我不想改变，总不能一枝竹打翻整条船吧？

总有人，会全心全意爱我的！

***

带着仇恨的我，就像背负千斤重担，寸步难行。

如今，以羽毛的轻，我飞了起来！