151011 - Pain

It's really pain.

Honestly I dare not to breathe that hard now, I worry.

I worry that it's not a dream.

How much that I hope it's only a dream where when I wake up one day, it's not the same like now.

It's pain, really pain.

What do you feel when you know some people do not welcome you?

I feel pain.

And how will you feel when you know people dislike you?

I feel pain.

Then how would you feel when you realise you are becoming immature?

I feel pain.

Lastly, what do you feel when you know most of the people dislike and do not welcome you but they act good to you?

Pain for me.

I knew all this in one shot. And I just knew how serious it is.

I am in deep pain till the tears dropped so uncontrollably.

I just cannot believe that I am that worst and I could not be worse than now.

I knew some people dislike me but I never know the amount is that much.

I knew some people hate me but I never expect you are one of them.

I knew they could not accept me, but I never know it's that serious.

I knew that the way I did my job could not be accept by many, but I never know where is the problem.

Why? Why do I know all this only in this two days time?

Seriously I am in very deep pain and I wish I could escape from this!

Why you guys don't tell me earlier? Why you guys don't let me have the chance to change?

If I could know this earlier, perhaps I will change. And many problems won't happen.

I am way to collapse.

I just could not stand that pain anymore. I am not that strong.

Can I quit? Can I leave?

I know it can't heal and cure the problem and pain, but at least it will be better than now.

I am a failure, the greatest joke ever!

I am not the me again. I am changing to be worse.

How much I wish I will be the past me now.

I won't ask for help this time, please left me alone for sometimes.

I will get myself to be better I promised.

I WILL BE THE ME AGAIN!

To those who are concern, please do not worry about me or else I will feel more worse. I won't do sth that will hurt myself, but I will need sometimes to heal the wound. I will back to normal soon, don't worry =)