Friendship isn't about who you've known the longest.
It's about who walked into your life, said "I'm here for you" and proved it.
Thanks for those who proved that to me, you awesome guys make me feel blessed.
And thanks for those who didn't too. You make me appreciate those who proved it more!
I just need a few that know me, a few that will be by my side, rather to have a group that can't share anything with.
I would rather have one loyal friend rather than many fake, flaky, unreliable people in my life.
I just need one to be count on, one that will lend me a hand after laughing at me. Not one that push me down at behind of me, not one that leaving me to face the darkness alone.
Thanks for telling me having just few of you guys worth for everything on earth.
Why waste my time getting hurt by someone when there is someone else out there waiting to make me happy?
I can't please everyone, so I won't try to do it =D Me not being emotional, me just suddenly feel the urge, the feeling to tell those who are important to me, "Hey, I miss you. Thanks a lot to you that proved that I'm and will no longer alone cause you will always be there for me. THANK YOU"
This definitely not a good month for me. I experienced the saddest event once again. And I just get to know brother to my senior passed away. Looking at those status they update, I can totally feel their pain. It's how the reality looks which I always know but never want to experience and feel. But when time comes, I had a hard time to experience and feel it. Isn't it sounds funny? We all know how things will be at the last moment of our life, or maybe life of our beloved. But we never wanna deal with it. We tried to run away. However, no matter how hard we run, when time reach, we are all forced to stop. Building up the mental is never gonna be easy I believe. But are we going to fall everytime when we meet such circumference? I bet about this. I never want be cold blooded. But I know if me not going to build up my mental for all these, I gonna suffer it a lot. I'll still feel sad for every separation, for every goodbye that I have to say. I'll still feel the heart broken when I can't meet anyone forever again. But I wish I could train myself to stand up back in a faster mode. Some asked me whether am I ok yesterday. I'm shocked. I thought I covered it well. I thought I can reduce the pain day by day. But tears rolled again. I'm sorry. But I'll be better! Stay strong people!
I never know it could be so sudden though we had all prepared. I never know it could be so heart-breaking though I had the past experience. But I know, you will always be in my heart till the day I can't do so.
Things happened a bit too sudden that I actually still hoping it was just a dream. Wake me from such nightmare, can I? It happened like just in a second, and when I realised what was happening at the next second, you leave us behind for forever. I couldn't feel anything at that moment. I was supposed to cry I thought. But now I know, when it was in the very deep pain, I actually couldn't feel and do anything. Besides I tried to escape. I played Tetris whole night, hoping someone can wake me from the dream. But reality waked me in the end. Everyone around asking whether am I ok? I can honestly say yes, but partially. Whenever I am alone, I will still think of you. No, we weren't that close as people thought, isn't it? But my mind just can't stop missing you. You were the fierce one to those you angry with. You were the silent one for all the time. You were the independent one to accomplish every task by own. But we all know the way you sacrifice for those whom you love. We all know the way you show your love. We all know how hard you tried to stay with us. We know. Tears can't stop falling at the moment you forced to leave. It's really hard to bid goodbye. But still things would not change no matter how hard we cried. Let bygones be bygones. Should not have to let you worry at this moment. I'll stay strong enough to walk through this hard moment. I'll also ensure everyone under good protection. It's time for our generation to fight. Rest in peace, my beloved grandpa. Sorry. Thank you. We love you.
Disclaimer : Don't read it if you don't wish to confuse yourself or don't wish to read some lame self reflection blog entry. Having a great opportunity and a great time to do some self reflection on myself. Never fail doing so when I got a long silent night with myself. Few months that I seldom look into myself deeply and I realised I changed a lot. It's not so me AGAIN =.= People change and I understand. But how these changes took place? I don't know. Being stubborn as usual, but not-so-stubborn anymore. Being lazy but lazier. Being weird and changing to a more weirdo mode =.= Example 1, friendship always took a heavy portion in my life before. But today I realised, I actually leaved my friends alone most of the time when they need me. Bastard me. And by today also I realised, I can be that cruel when I choose to let go one of the very best friend of mine. I changed to be that cold blooded, that cruel, that so-not-me in just a few of months. Example 2, I felt insecure again. For the new environment, for the new experience. The very brave and courage me disappeared in no where again. I am that timid to left my safe zone. When was the last time I bravely take the first step out? Where is the me that willing to take challenge? IS ALL THESE CAUSED BY AGE OR BY MATURITY? Frankly, I am afraid to lose everything. Perhaps I am afraid to lose what I'm having now. I put in effort to build and gain what I'm holding now, and cause of this afraid to lose attitude, I changed. I switched on my self protection mode, and I reduced my willingness to take risk. What should I do? Hopefully the brand new university life can change me back. At least let me be more daring to open up my heart again.
ANNOUNCEMENT : I'll be leaving for my national service starting tomorrow. It's like finally and I know it only happens for once in a lifetime. Those who really urgently want to get me, please contact my family members. Those who miss me, make me a call during weekends =D Those who are not in both of the groups, just wait till me back then =D Thank you! Had a really long holidays since my busy days before and during CNY. Had been wasting my time for like a month. Wasn't productive enough. - Thanks God for leading me through all the up and down moments in my holidays which made me really feel I learned some lessons. - 1. Health. Was not alert with my health condition before as I always stay up late and didn't really exercise. Thanks for letting me know I shouldn't continue with this life style just before it went more serious. 2. Family. Knew the feeling of losing a family member which made me appreciate more my family members. No matter how things changed, how long we didn't meet, the bond will always remain like how it does. Thanks for letting me know I'm really lucky and blessed as I'm born in this happy big family! 3. STPM. The critical moments for me to handle. Thanks for the blessing and all the efforts and help that everyone contribute especially the teachers and parents. My achievement wouldn't be perfect without the support of anyone in these two years. Sorry for my wrong way of handling my emotion especially when I first got the result. Thanks for letting me know result ain't the only thing in life. 4. Characteristic. Was used to be egoistic and arrogant. Things will still go smooth even without me. Should and have to be more humble. Me ain't the best after all. If I ever acting proud or arrogant in front of you, I sincerely apologize. 5. Friends. Realised who are those will stay even when I'm down and those who will give a helping hand. Won't blame those that leave me at the dead corner as you trained me to be more independent. A big thank you to those who put in effort to help me. Thank you buddies! Just realised, I didn't waste much of the time. I found the problems of mine, learned lessons, and change from the mistakes in this long holiday. Glad that self reflection happened. I'll be a better person and I know I have to make it.
