Having a great opportunity and a great time to do some self reflection on myself. Never fail doing so when I got a long silent night with myself.
Few months that I seldom look into myself deeply and I realised I changed a lot. It's not so me AGAIN =.=
People change and I understand. But how these changes took place? I don't know.
Being stubborn as usual, but not-so-stubborn anymore.
Being lazy but lazier.
Being weird and changing to a more weirdo mode =.=
Example 1, friendship always took a heavy portion in my life before. But today I realised, I actually leaved my friends alone most of the time when they need me. Bastard me. And by today also I realised, I can be that cruel when I choose to let go one of the very best friend of mine. I changed to be that cold blooded, that cruel, that so-not-me in just a few of months.
Example 2, I felt insecure again. For the new environment, for the new experience. The very brave and courage me disappeared in no where again. I am that timid to left my safe zone. When was the last time I bravely take the first step out? Where is the me that willing to take challenge?
IS ALL THESE CAUSED BY AGE OR BY MATURITY?
Frankly, I am afraid to lose everything. Perhaps I am afraid to lose what I'm having now.
I put in effort to build and gain what I'm holding now, and cause of this afraid to lose attitude, I changed.
I switched on my self protection mode, and I reduced my willingness to take risk.
What should I do?
Hopefully the brand new university life can change me back. At least let me be more daring to open up my heart again.
Timid me,
WanQi
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