250813 - August

This definitely not a good month for me.
I experienced the saddest event once again.
And I just get to know brother to my senior passed away.
Looking at those status they update, I can totally feel their pain.

It's how the reality looks which I always know but never want to experience and feel.
But when time comes, I had a hard time to experience and feel it.

Isn't it sounds funny?
We all know how things will be at the last moment of our life, or maybe life of our beloved.
But we never wanna deal with it. We tried to run away.
However, no matter how hard we run, when time reach, we are all forced to stop.

Building up the mental is never gonna be easy I believe.
But are we going to fall everytime when we meet such circumference? I bet about this.
I never want be cold blooded. But I know if me not going to build up my mental for all these, I gonna suffer it a lot.
I'll still feel sad for every separation, for every goodbye that I have to say.
I'll still feel the heart broken when I can't meet anyone forever again.
But I wish I could train myself to stand up back in a faster mode.

Some asked me whether am I ok yesterday.
I'm shocked.
I thought I covered it well.
I thought I can reduce the pain day by day.
But tears rolled again.
I'm sorry. But I'll be better!

Stay strong people!

150813 - Let Bygones Be Bygones

I never know it could be so sudden though we had all prepared.
I never know it could be so heart-breaking though I had the past experience.
But I know, you will always be in my heart till the day I can't do so.

Things happened a bit too sudden that I actually still hoping it was just a dream. Wake me from such nightmare, can I?
It happened like just in a second, and when I realised what was happening at the next second, you leave us behind for forever.

I couldn't feel anything at that moment. I was supposed to cry I thought.
But now I know, when it was in the very deep pain, I actually couldn't feel and do anything. Besides I tried to escape.
I played Tetris whole night, hoping someone can wake me from the dream.
But reality waked me in the end.

Everyone around asking whether am I ok?
I can honestly say yes, but partially.
Whenever I am alone, I will still think of you.
No, we weren't that close as people thought, isn't it?
But my mind just can't stop missing you.

You were the fierce one to those you angry with.
You were the silent one for all the time.
You were the independent one to accomplish every task by own.

But we all know the way you sacrifice for those whom you love.
We all know the way you show your love.
We all know how hard you tried to stay with us.
We know.

Tears can't stop falling at the moment you forced to leave.
It's really hard to bid goodbye.
But still things would not change no matter how hard we cried.

Let bygones be bygones.
Should not have to let you worry at this moment.
I'll stay strong enough to walk through this hard moment.
I'll also ensure everyone under good protection.
It's time for our generation to fight.
Rest in peace, my beloved grandpa.

Sorry.
Thank you.
We love you.

090813 Back in KL

Well, for like everyone knows, I left on 31st July to NTU Singapore to futher my study =D

I had every administration thing done with the assist of Malaysian seniors in NTU =D

Everything went smoothly and I can adapt in the new environment quite well too =D

However, as the last post stated, my grandpa is actually ill since few months back and things do not get better for him. The time when I left to Singapore, he is actually still in the hospital under observation in unconscious condition.

We had prepared for the worst, but for sure also pray for the best.

But I never know things can go rather fast and unpredictable.

After a week in Singapore, I received Whatsapp message from my sister that saying my grandpa may collapse at anytime and the doctor allowed his discharge from hospital.

This doesn't sound good at all. It means they gave up on providing medical support d.

I had no other choice (though I wish to join the FOC), I got the earliest bus ticket and I'm on my way back to home. If I didn't do this, I bet I'll regret for the rest of my life.

I reached KL around 9pm in the night and rushed straight to my grandpa house.

He was having the 3rd tong and also the last tong of the oxygen.

Basically, the doctor said once we stop provide him oxygen, he could collapse at any moment.

No one felt good at this point. But the good thing is everyone from this big family were gathered together. So he finished the last tong of oxygen and we took out all the pipes from him.

Everyone of us had prepared.

However, miracle happened!

Until now, for the third day without any oxygen tank, he is still healthy. Though he can't move and he had difficulties in talking.

But things turned out better than what we predicted d.

No worries people, I'm still strong to carry on with all these =D

Thanks for the care and support all the way long.

What we can do now is just praying he can get better sooner. *Pray Hard*

Anyway I'm going back to Singapore on next Mon as I'm gonna have my first lecture on Tue.

With love,

WanQi